Ecclipse
2008-11-19 (10:35 p.m.)
it has been a long time running since i have been to these lands, time and change and life have gotten in the way as of late. but like the rainy season i am always sure to return at some point when the earth is dry and parched. and so i have come back and instead of bringing grey sky and the torrents of tears like i usually to to this place, this sanctuary of my tender heart, i bring blue skies and the calls of the wild birds of paradise. ice castles are melting into tropical kingdoms and i am warmed to the core by the graces of the sun again. i wisper into the night as the moon is rising to bring me a love she will be still for. i ask the wind to bring me in the soft whispers of breeze the name of someone that can withstand the test of time and finally be something as close to timeless as my heart is.
he came out of the ether like a knight on a shining steed and a medical dictionary in one hand and a rose in the other. maybe i am in need of some nursing, maybe i am in need of some medical attention since there are these parts and pieces in me that are wounded beyond the dermis of sight. but how can you put a band aid on a thought, a whisper, and an emotion. but the scars are fading and all the wounds have almost completely stopped festering and bleeding. so maybe it is the right time to go back out in the world and see if i can get it right this time. not that the times in the past were wrong, i learned valuible lessons from everyone, but i want one where a lesson does not have to be learned the hard way in the end. i want something that the only lesson to learn is that you can love and be happy day after day after day for always. but we all want a hallmark card for love, we all want the night before x-mas to be every night of our lives. we all want the notion that something can make everything all better again.
and i think of him. his voice. his eyes, his lips. i think of the fact that i happened upon this by sheer chance and possibility. that if i was a day later then someone else could be filling my place and that i would still be out there like a scarecrow in the wind. my only company shadow, harbingers, and carrion birds of prey. i am tired of being preyed upon, i am tired of being the back handed main dish for a dinner of discord. i want the soft hands, and softer hearts. i want the fierce eyes and the fire on the kiss. i want the winds to rock me from this complaceny, and wisk me away to a better tomorrow where i will not be the momento of a broken relationship. i want to be discovered and recovered like a lost pirate treasure. i want to be the lock for the only key that sits in his pocket. i want to know what it is like to finally have the feeling of knowing what it is like to truely love someone and be truely loved by them in return. i do not want another one sided relationship, i do not want another take take take as i give give give time in my life. i want there to be moments where he can't stand to say good bye. i want there to be days where the rains come and we stay in bed all day. wrapped together like the weave of a soft blanket, interlaced and interwoven to make something that no amount of strength can tear apart. i want to be whole and alive again. i want to know what it is like to feel my heart beat proud and strong, i do not want this whimpering wounded thing in my chest, i want it to beat strong and free and feel that rhythmn echoed in his chest.
i want to taste the wind on eager lips, i wnt to count stars in kind eyes, i want to know that there is a time in life when love does not leave a bruise. i want a man made of wind and rose petals, i want a lover that knows love is more than a 4 letter word. i want something time can lay down and be still for for all of time.
is it too much to want forever, is it too much to want something as permanent as the sun and the moon as they chase each other across the sky as endless lovers would croiss endless distances to finally be together again.
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Ecclipse - 2008-11-19
Break, Change, Give - 2007-10-16
swallow it down - 2007-05-29
Night Adler - 2007-04-27
Night Whispers - 2007-03-24
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